Accidental Accident Reports
What a Little Grammar Mistake Can Do
  • Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have!
  • The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its
  • intent!
  • I was thrown from my car as it left the road, and was later found in
  • a ditch, by some stray cows!!!
  • I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
  • In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
  • I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
  • I told the police I was not injured, but upon removing my hair, I found that I had a fractured skull.
  • I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
  • The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
  • To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
  • The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.
  • A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
  • I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment
  • ... and a strong favorite ...
  • The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him
The following quotes taken from the Toronto News
They are actual statements taken from insurance forms
where drivers tried to summarize accident details in as few words as possible!
  • She has no rigors or shaking chills , but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night
  • Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year
  • On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared
  • The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed
  • The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993
  • Discharge status: Alive but without my permission
  • Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful
  • The patient refused autopsy
  • The patient has no previous history of suicides
  • Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital
  • Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days
  • Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch
  • She is numb from her toes down
  • While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home
  • The skin was moist and dry
  • Occasional, constant infrequent headaches
  • Patient was alert and unresponsive
  • Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid
  • She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce
  • I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy
  • Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation
  • Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized
  • The lab test indicated abnormal lover function
  • The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead
  • Skin: somewhat pale but present
  • The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor
  • Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree
  • Large brown stool ambulating in the hall
  • Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
Allegedly real funny quotes from letters to a councils housing department
  • I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. 
  • I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
  • Their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my fence.
  • I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the outside toilet and I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
  • The lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
  • I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall.
  • Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
  • I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
  • Can you please tell me when the repairs will be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother.
  • I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers.
  • The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
  • Will you please send a man to look at my water, it's a funny colour and not fit to drink.
  • Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now it is in three pieces.
  • Would you please send a man to repair my sprout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.
  • I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's getting too much.
  • The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
  • Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so will you please send someone around to do something about it.
  • I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
  • Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife.
  • I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction.
  • We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden before we move into the house.
  • This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we cant get BBC2.
a Site 2 b Seen