Funny Hospital Reports
She has no rigors or shaking chills , but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year
On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed
The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993
Discharge status: Alive but without my permission
Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful
The patient refused autopsy
The patient has no previous history of suicides
Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital
Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days
Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch
She is numb from her toes down
While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home
The skin was moist and dry
Occasional, constant infrequent headaches
Patient was alert and unresponsive
Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation
Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead
Skin: somewhat pale but present
The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree
Large brown stool ambulating in the hall
Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
